MPQ Dad Jokes! (puns)

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  • TPF Alexis
    TPF Alexis Posts: 3,826 Chairperson of the Boards
    edited July 2019
    Rhadamanthus23 said:
    Unemployed Mindless Ones usually find work in construction. Why?
    They're pretty good with I-beams!

    I've always thought that would make a good power for someone. Sort of like BSSM's Automotive Artillery.
    DAZ0273 said:

    Why isn't Wolverine allowed in hang out with Doctors?

    He causes Surgical Strikes

    The Union likes him, tho, as does the after-care section.
    qandols said:
    What is Helas favorite nineties movie?

    That's right: Death becomes her

    I can't believe I actually went to see that in the theatre. Makes me think of it every time I run her.
    DAZ0273 said:
    What does Captain America say when he gets back from a trip to IKEA?

    Avengers...Assemble!

    Why did Iron Man get a suit of armour made from aluminium?

    So he could foil the Dark Avengers plans


    Just plain brilliant!

    She-Hulk always gets mad when her phone's battery dies. It makes for a
    [spoiler]Furious Charge[/spoiler]

    Not a pun as such, but it does amuse me that Power Surge can't actually trigger Circuit Breaker.

    Gorgon's fanfic is just sickening to read. It's really
    [spoiler]Debilitating Slash[/spoiler]

    After he got tired of all the Destroying, Drax opened a combined pizza joint and gambling house:
    [spoiler]Slice & Dice[/spoiler]

    Why can't Sue Storm see US$50 bills?
    [spoiler]She has Grant invisibility. It also means she always gets passed over for funding, so her research proposals are always submitted under Reed's name.[/spoiler]

    Why isn't Elektra allowed in night clubs?
    [spoiler]The only dance she knows is the Ballet of Death[/spoiler]

    Ghost Rider can be transfixed by the sight of triangular flags.
    [spoiler]It's called a Pennant Stare[/spoiler]

    Star Lord can always escape from handcuffs.
    [spoiler]Because he's slight of hand[/spoiler]
  • Rhadamanthus23
    Rhadamanthus23 Posts: 48 Just Dropped In
    edited July 2019
    My next installment! Some are 'good' ones I missed, but many are barrel-bottoms. Laugh or groan, that's what they're all about!

    Hawkeye can't seem to dislike Quicksilver. Why?
    Because... Speed's Hot!

    Riri Williams returned from hero-work in Middle Earth, but was very glad to return...

    ... she prefers Elfless Intervention!

    Mordo needed some temp help to track down all those wizards. Who did he hire?

    the former Staff of the Living Tribunal!

    Elektra is just as cutthroat in her politics as she is in combat. Why?

    On election day, she always casts a Ballot of Death!

    Black Widow secretly has a huge stuffed animal collection. What's her favourite?

    a Plush Bass!

    Black Panther is very exact in defense of his country. How does he set up his Defense Grid?

    He uses the Protractor of Wakanda!

    Ant-Man follows Hank's old rules for fighting crime. What are they called?

    Pimp Articles!

    Ant-Man had to stop a gang formed by Pippin and his Hobbit friends. What were they called?

    Small Crime Tooks!

    Hulk used to have trouble every time he transformed, but no longer, now that he's met Ant-Man. Why?

    He always brings Pants! Pants! Pants!

    Why does Iron Fist hate having to fight Sandman?

    He always gets Rand Rash!

    Jane Foster fears she's addicted to being Thor. What can't she resist?

    The Power's Urge!

    Professor X doesn't actually turn invisible. He just bores you so much you ignore him...

    ... in a Bland Spot!

    Blade isn't above teaming up with monsters to stop vampires. Who does he use most?

    Ghouls of the Trade!

    Black Bolt's powers always get recharged when traveling from England to France. Why?
    Energy Chunnelling!

    As a child in Africa, Ororo wasn't just a mutant. What was her title?
    Mistress of the Elephants!


  • qandols
    qandols Posts: 1,178 Chairperson of the Boards
    TPF Alexis said:
    Which MPQ Character is best suited to contribute to this thread?
    [spoiler]The PUN-isher![/spoiler]
    First prize of this thread goes to.... Alexis!  :D
  • qandols
    qandols Posts: 1,178 Chairperson of the Boards
    @theomen You should write novels!
  • theomen
    theomen Posts: 99 Match Maker
    qandols said:
    @theomen You should write novels!
    Thanks!
  • Rhadamanthus23
    Rhadamanthus23 Posts: 48 Just Dropped In
    edited July 2019
    Hi, again. :smiley: A few more. To start, a couple that were on my list, but others have got to - just my take on some pretty good ones other folk have given you:

    Squirrels follow Doreen, but when the mission's over, they meet at McDonald's; why?
    They're Flurry Fiends!

    Gwenpool makes some of the worst jokes, but Frank Castle lets it slide. Why?

    Because the Pun Is Her!

    ****

    On to the 'originals'...

    Tony Stark is terrified of Vision, because he could take away all of his money in one attack:

    using his Squalor Beam!

    Spider-Man had some trouble with bullies, but took them all down at once with...

    ... his Bro-portional Punch!

    Jane Foster, after spending some time as Thor, decided she could rule Asgard, too - why?

    She was within Try King Distance!

    Nick Fury is never fooled by the Matrix - he can get out any time he wants. How?

    He knows how to Escape LAN!

    Dazzler stole a quinjet! What came through on the radio as she got away?

    Sounds of Flight and Col. Fury!

    The Hood works with the Maggia, the Hand, and HAMMER. None of the goons can stand hearing his plans, though...

    Everything he says starts with, "Dormammu Said..."

    If Kamala Khan is in trouble, she can always call on her X-Man friend. What does she do?

    Bring Out the Beast!

    Nobody messes with Gamora's landscaping; why?

    She has a Razor Hedge!

    Quicksilver sometimes works as a bodyguard for S.H.I.E.L.D. VIPs. What's his codename?

    Fists of Fury!

    Black Widow says she'll never go hungry:

    "I've got too much Bread in my Larder."

    The New Mutants started a D&D game, but Magik wouldn't play. What did she call it?

    Diced Dorkery!

    Dr. Strange still hangs around hospitals to collect a valuable substance from patients in critical condition. What is it?

    Phlegm of the Flatline!

    After hanging out with a sketchy crowd, Ragnarok had to go to the doctor for an embarrassing condition. Why?

    He caught the ThunderClap!


  • sambrookjm
    sambrookjm Posts: 2,163 Chairperson of the Boards
    Who won the MPQ Chess tournament?
    Kingpin beat Kate Bishop
    What's Medusa's favorite cheese?
    Gorgonzola
    Which MPQ character is the best software developer?
    Patch
    What is Parker Robbins's Military Academy called?
    Boys and The Hood
  • PuceMoose
    PuceMoose Posts: 1,445 Chairperson of the Boards
    If Bob Marley played MPQ and obsessively collected duplicates of every character, what would we call him?
    A rosterfarian


  • TriggerTime
    TriggerTime Posts: 72 Match Maker
          
     
  • JackTenrec
    JackTenrec Posts: 808 Critical Contributor
    Y'all are a bunch of Spider-Hams.
  • PuceMoose
    PuceMoose Posts: 1,445 Chairperson of the Boards
    What's Totally Awesome Hulk's favorite Christian denomination?
    Mathodist
    What is Wasp and Ant-man's least favorite type of co-operative MMO battle?
    Raid
    What's Captain Marvel's favorite part about Christmas?
    Caroling

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