Terrible, mostly useless Game of Thrones recap thread

Game of Thrones S1 E8 The Pointy End

Let's just start with what a fantastic title that is. The Pointy End. I don't even know what it means but I will find ways to use it in every day speech.

Random Stranger: "Excuse me, do you know the way to the train station please?"
Me: "Ah yes, turn left until you get to the pointy end of the road and then you'll be there!"
RS: "The pointy what?"
Me: "No follow up questions."

Anyway, in GoT land, Jon has learned that Ned is captured and accused of treason, Jon is worried about his sisters and seeks to go find them but his boss Mormont tells him not to be a twat and he is sure that his sisters are fine and oh yeah, you swore an oath to us matey. Some more of the mean boys taunt Jon about his dad and Jon decides to introduce them to the pointy end of his knife but Jon is stopped by some others and coz Mormont sees what happens Jon gets confined to quarters. Later on his dog/wolf is whining and so Jon heads out to discover a Wight (which is sort of a zombie)! Jon uses the pointy end of his sword to stab it but it isn't bothered. Mormont appears "Are you using the pointy end again, Jon? Didn't I tell you about that!". Jon grabs his oil lamp and torches the Wight. Oh I forgot to mention that earlier Jon had bought back some dead dudes from a party including Benjen Stark (OK I had forgotten about him too) who had gone out and been missing, so they torch both the corpses with the pointy end of some fire. Only the White Walkers from last episode can turn people into Wight's which I suppose makes some sense but then why are they not called The Wight Walkers? Is it some sort of disguise? They are not fooling anybody.

At the pointy end of the Mountains, we check back in with Fingerblaster who has been sadly lacking, him and Bronn bump into a hill tribe whose leader is the fantastically named "Shagga".

"She call me Mr. Boombastic, say me fantastic, touch me on the pointy end" - Shagga from Game of Thrones.

Shagga wants to kill them but Fingerblaster wisely offers him a record deal and so they agree to team up instead for some revenge and also some good old fashioned blood and death.

At Winterfell we have some blah blah blah, wait...some dude gets his fingers bitten off! By the pointy end of Robb's wolf teeth! Br(i)an is talking to a tree waiting for his next assassination attempt when some lady comes and tells him about a bunch of monsters and then babbles on about Robb and the army he's gathering marching in the wrong direction.

Robb and his army meet up with Catelyn. They are debating which one of the Lannister's to attack, Tywin or Jaime. Incidentally - in order to get to Jaime's army they have to cross the Green Fork of Trident and you'll never guess what? They will have to go by the pointy end! Of that trident! Robb captures a Lannister bloke and then, this can't be right, sends him to Tywin to blab all his plans? WHAT? Is this guy The Riddler or something?

"Riddle me this: My secret plan will cause you to sob, what's at the pointy end of my army? Yes that's right, it's Robb!"

I will never understand this show.

Fingerblaster is back home with daddy who doesn't care a bit but now Fingerblaster has a problem - Shagga will only release a single if Fingerblaster duets with him in the battle and quite frankly that aint his bag.

Drogo and Daenerys army are **** and pillaging which upsets Dani so she claims all the women for herself which upsets the warriors but good job, girl. One dude gets proper upset but Drogo introduces him to the pointy end of death but not before he is injured but then one of the women heals him. The women are witches! Of course they are.

In King's Landing - the Lannister's capture Sansa but Arya escapes after accidentally impaling a stable boy on the pointy end of her sword, Needle.

Various, some bloke I don't remember or perhaps we have never met, goes and sees Ned in prison and asks him why is he so utterly stupid to have told Cersei about knowing about her brother humping leaving him facing the pointy end of dungeon. Various also points out (from the end of) that nyah nyah, your stupid wife doesn't even have Fingerblaster anymore so basically dude, you are screwed. And you know what, it sort'a looks like he is right!

The captured Sansa is basically forced to write to her brother Robb telling him to bow down to (Not) King Joffrey then she begs for Ned's life. Joffrey says, "Well fine then as long as he totally kisses my butt". Sansa says he will, with the sweet sweet pointy end of his lips no doubt.

And that is basically that! I'm expecting some heroic Robb stuff next episode, the freedom of Ned in time for episode 10's sure to be fantastic PIXELS reunion! Will they hug? Will they dance and drink the beer? Will they introduce an alien Centipede to destruction from the pointy end of a games controller? Let's find out by watching now! See you in an hour or two with Robb's rescue!

Fantasy Rating so far: It's gotta be a 7 out of 8 Willow here
Throne Rating: A solid Ikea chair worth of throne-ing
Game Pointy Rating: Yes! I have never been on the end of such pointy!
Ned rating: Ned seems to have spent more time in jail than doing fantastic Ned type things but I am confident he will bounce back