Terrible, mostly useless Game of Thrones recap thread

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  • DAZ0273
    DAZ0273 Posts: 11,914 Chairperson of the Boards

    Game of Thrones S2 E7 A man without Hono(u)r

    We open with Theon being an incredible ****. He let the boys escape, can't find them so blames everybody else, the wispy bearded little tosspot. Even his hounds suck.

    In Tywin land, Arya is nearly rumbled (again) because of the way she pronounces "My Lord". Jesus wept, like that is the case breaking clue!

    In King's Landing, Sansa has her first ever menstruation which means she now has to marry Joffrey. Everybody is sympathetic.

    At Robb's camp, Alton Lannister has been sent to say nuh uh to the peace terms. Then Robb decides he has to go on a trip so Jaime kills, Alton, escapes and is re-captured. Catelyn is forced to try and stop Jaime being killed but then after a chat with him where he is like a Star Wars fan in a chat room with Kathleen Kennedy she is all "**** this, give me a sword!"

    With Jon, the lass from Up TH'North mocks him about being a virgin, runs off and leads him into an ambush by her mates. Just like a night in Leeds!

    With Dani, stuff happens but really all we care about is the dragons and now she knows where to look for them.

    Fantasy Rating: Nah, not even registering
    Best fantasy Name: Meh.
    DIE! Poor Alton.
    Cunning Scheme: Not much in the way of cunning.

  • DAZ0273
    DAZ0273 Posts: 11,914 Chairperson of the Boards

    As long ago Clem (wisely) abandoned this thread I have edited to something more truthful. 😎

  • DAZ0273
    DAZ0273 Posts: 11,914 Chairperson of the Boards

    Game of Thrones S2 E8 - The Prince of Winterfell

    It's been a while and I have mostly forgotten everything so this might be ropey. Let's see!

    So stupid bumbling virgin Jon got captured and is going to be killed but the girl from Leeds saves him and then they decide to try and make him into a spy. Meanwhile his mates notice he is missing but don't make a plan to do anything about it. Why would they? They had already been looking for another missing person and failed, they are mostly now just on a jolly.

    Over with Dani - she wants her dragons back but is warned to just leave but she isn't doing that and asks to be taken to The House of the Undying. Yeah, I would abandon those dragons in a hot minute. The House of the Undying sounds like something that appears on Chris Redfield's plane ticket as he is given a new mission.

    Theon is told that he basically wasted his time conquering Winterfell as he can't defend it and also people are a bit miffed about all the orphan slaughter. Theon, of course, does not listen.

    Fingerblaster is making plans to defend his castle and Joffrey is all boasting about how he will fight. His mother obviously realising he is complete tool cooks up a plan - kidnap Fingerblaster's hooker girlfriend but d'oh, she kidnaps the wrong one! Oh how Fingerblaster must laugh!

    FB's dad, Tywin can't decide whether to go take on Robb or to go save Cersei and Joffrey. He decides to go have a bundle with Robb leaving Arya behind. She comes up with an actually quite good plan - she calls in her third assassin target with Jaqen H'gharand gives him his own name which she will not rescind unless he helps her and the other too (Mmm Hotpie!) escape, which he does.

    Robb has the hump that Jaime is being offered in exchange for the two Stark girls and blames his mother, Catelyn. He makes plans to have Theon's men betray him and then he randomly sleeps with some lady despite being betrothed.

    It feels like we are building up to a battle, let's hope it is messy!

    Fantasy Rating: OK-ish.
    Best fantasy Name: Hotpie obviously but that might also be a different type of fantasy
    DIE! The guards got it and so nearly did Jaqen!
    Cunning Scheme: The plan went very wrong, oh how Fingerblaster will have his revenge!

  • JaGo
    JaGo Posts: 111 Tile Toppler
    What the hell is going on?

    DAZ have you given up? Lol

    -JaGo

  • DAZ0273
    DAZ0273 Posts: 11,914 Chairperson of the Boards

    Not yet! I haven't had time or opportunity to watch any more episodes but will get back to it. I have to at least finish Season 2!

  • WilliamK1983
    WilliamK1983 Posts: 1,335 Chairperson of the Boards
    Thin Crust

    I really hope you make it through s4. Forget where the scene im thinking of is in the season, but I need a daz-cap of it.

  • DAZ0273
    DAZ0273 Posts: 11,914 Chairperson of the Boards
    edited 18 September 2025, 13:18

    Game of Thrones Season 2 Episode 9: Blackwater

    A quick re-cap: Stannah Stairlift is on his way to King's Landing and Fingerblaster is planning defence.

    Now, have you ever heard of Sir Francis Drake and the Spanish Armada? George RR Martin has! Fingerblaster lands a heavy blow by borrowing the tactic "fire boat" and Stannah sails right into it! Despite this setback, Stannah Stairlift lands troops ashore and responds with "arrows". Several people inside Kings Landing solve the attacking army with wine. Joffrey, of course, does something very stupid which depletes his troop morale and leaves Fingerblaster to try and pull it together but he is wounded in combat. Cersei is warned without Joffrey (why?) they are doomed but she is too pissed to care and storms out. Sansa is also going nowhere despite being co-erced to do so by The Hound.

    Pictured: The Hound was mildly perplexed that his "the world is full of killers...like me!" speech didn't work on Sansa.

    Cersei in a mother of the year attempt mixes deadly poison for her son and herself.

    It looks like curtains...

    BUT then...Tywin shows up with his army and somebody is disguised as Renly and they proper mess up Stannah and his men, Tywin stops the suicidal blonde and Renly is Loras Tyrell! Wait:

    Oh yes, Renly's "chum"! With chest shaving! Strangely a quick search for "Renly chest shaving" came up empty (possibly I needed more words, more specific words) so that just leaves us with

    Fantasy Rating: Basically just a battle.
    Best fantasy Name: We don't have time for funny names, too many arrows!
    DIE! The whole episode is basically an assassination attempt and Cersei too!
    Cunning Scheme: Fingerblaster does pretty well but later is betrayed himself! I guess the scales balance.

  • KGB
    KGB Posts: 3,923 Chairperson of the Boards
    Other! Fandango us with your daz-zling views!

    You left out your ratings for the episode.

    At the time this was released it was far and away the best episode of the series due to the battle elements. It was the first big expensive episode HBO green lit. It still remains one of the highest rated episodes of the series.

    KGB

  • DAZ0273
    DAZ0273 Posts: 11,914 Chairperson of the Boards

    @KGB said:
    You left out your ratings for the episode.

    At the time this was released it was far and away the best episode of the series due to the battle elements. It was the first big expensive episode HBO green lit. It still remains one of the highest rated episodes of the series.

    KGB

    D'oh! Edited! And yeah, it was pretty good!

  • Scofie
    Scofie GLOBAL_MODERATORS Posts: 1,694 Chairperson of the Boards
    edited 19 September 2025, 07:11
    Other! Fandango us with your daz-zling views!

    Loras Tyrell is medieval Iron Fist and should be referred to as such henceforth. 😆

    Edit: very happy to see this update when I woke up this morning!

  • KGB
    KGB Posts: 3,923 Chairperson of the Boards
    Other! Fandango us with your daz-zling views!

    Dani's time in the House of the Undying wasn't that well done in the show from what I recall (it's been years since I watched this episode). In the books, it's one of the most important chapters there is because it foretells the future (and recaps the past) of how the books will turn out.

    It's not obvious when you first read it (or watch it) but it becomes clear later on that Martin is giving a glimpse of things to come mixed with what was.

    KGB

  • DAZ0273
    DAZ0273 Posts: 11,914 Chairperson of the Boards

    I left Dani off the KEEPING AN EYE ON section as I have absolutely no idea what the plan is with her. She is pretty much obviously building and building and seems incredibly important but who can trust GoT? She will probably end up selling hot dogs grilled by her dragons at Littlefingers "Hogs n Dogs" Pig Racing track for all I know.

  • Scofie
    Scofie GLOBAL_MODERATORS Posts: 1,694 Chairperson of the Boards
    Other! Fandango us with your daz-zling views!

    @DAZ0273 said:
    I left Dani off the KEEPING AN EYE ON section as I have absolutely no idea what the plan is with her. She is pretty much obviously building and building and seems incredibly important but who can trust GoT? She will probably end up selling hot dogs grilled by her dragons at Littlefingers "Hogs n Dogs" Pig Racing track for all I know.

    Please use the Spoiler annotation... 🤣

  • DAZ0273
    DAZ0273 Posts: 11,914 Chairperson of the Boards

    @Scofie said:

    @DAZ0273 said:
    I left Dani off the KEEPING AN EYE ON section as I have absolutely no idea what the plan is with her. She is pretty much obviously building and building and seems incredibly important but who can trust GoT? She will probably end up selling hot dogs grilled by her dragons at Littlefingers "Hogs n Dogs" Pig Racing track for all I know.

    Please use the Spoiler annotation... 🤣

    Wait which bit is the spoiler, the hog or the dog?!?!!!

    Anyway - Dani ends up at Burger K(spoiler)

  • Scofie
    Scofie GLOBAL_MODERATORS Posts: 1,694 Chairperson of the Boards
    Other! Fandango us with your daz-zling views!

    @DAZ0273 said:

    @Scofie said:

    @DAZ0273 said:
    I left Dani off the KEEPING AN EYE ON section as I have absolutely no idea what the plan is with her. She is pretty much obviously building and building and seems incredibly important but who can trust GoT? She will probably end up selling hot dogs grilled by her dragons at Littlefingers "Hogs n Dogs" Pig Racing track for all I know.

    Please use the Spoiler annotation... 🤣

    Wait which bit is the spoiler, the hog or the dog?!?!!!

    Anyway - Dani ends up at Burger K(spoiler)

    What happens at the pig racing track stays at the pig racing track....

  • DAZ0273
    DAZ0273 Posts: 11,914 Chairperson of the Boards

    @Scofie said:

    @DAZ0273 said:

    @Scofie said:

    @DAZ0273 said:
    I left Dani off the KEEPING AN EYE ON section as I have absolutely no idea what the plan is with her. She is pretty much obviously building and building and seems incredibly important but who can trust GoT? She will probably end up selling hot dogs grilled by her dragons at Littlefingers "Hogs n Dogs" Pig Racing track for all I know.

    Please use the Spoiler annotation... 🤣

    Wait which bit is the spoiler, the hog or the dog?!?!!!

    Anyway - Dani ends up at Burger K(spoiler)

    What happens at the pig racing track stays at the pig racing track....

    Until Jon arrives with his “I’ve never Bacon’ed anyone” and you just know Mel B is gonna be rolling eyes.

  • StillMonsoon3
    StillMonsoon3 Posts: 111 Tile Toppler
    Yes but no! Dazfandango!

    @DAZ0273 said:
    Until Jon arrives with his “I’ve never Bacon’ed anyone” and you just know Mel B is gonna be rolling eyes.

    Jon to Mel B: Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

    Mel B to Jon: So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

    Jon: Are you sure about that? I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

    Mel B: I asked you, didn't I? So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

    Jon: Well, okay then, since you asked. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig..... ah

  • ThisisClemFandango
    ThisisClemFandango Posts: 1,167 Chairperson of the Boards
    No you fool, Daz is light and Clem is dark!

    Keeping an eye on Dany is probably what I'll remember the most
    A few years of quality ahead of you and then there's the later seasons

  • bigjojo04
    bigjojo04 Posts: 430 Mover and Shaker
    Deep Pan

    So who is giving me some deep dish pizza?

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