The Hunger for MPQ Games (Part 1)

DAZ0273

“Hello Agent” said the screen as it offered me the new hotness of 2* Captain America.

What was going on? Just minutes before I had been contemplating using 5* Hotpool to get some of his events done but now…it was all gone.

“Face front Soldier, Avengers don’t need jacuzzis to get the job done, we have enemies to defeat!”

Did…did 2* Captain America just talk to me?!?!?

“Of course I did” said Cap, a bit condescending it should be said, “You’re trapped in the Matrox caused by a save feedback loop by Dr FaaceBooke, your stuck here in 2014 until things can be fixed.”

2014!?!!! What did it mean? Well I know what 2014 was but…what did it mean?!?

“Can you help me get back to my real time Cap?”

“I will ask 1• Iron Man as soon as we tackle the crisis of the World Wide Web now level me up!”

“Couldn’t we just ask Dr. Strange to use the Time Stone?”

“Dr What and his time clock who?!?! I think you might be confused!”

“Oh! Right…well at least you and Tony are still buddies!”

“Of course we are! Why wouldn’t we be? Why it would take something like Tony betraying the Avengers to government control to upset me!”

“Maybe my Alliance can help!”

With the deft agility of a seasoned MPQ player I quickly found the tab for Alliance - this was it I would surely be spared

“Unlocks at rank 10”

I was stranded.

Meanwhile a message appeared on my device “You were defeated by SmuggTwat69” in It’s a Brick.

So somewhere out there was my true self lost in a different time zone…would I be able to find my way home?!?! ****!

“Language!” said Cap.

will7612

Bravo!!!!!!

DAZ0273

Chapter 2 " Who are the Maggia?"

Trapped in the past, I desperately need to find a way home but if I interact with this strange time will it create a parallel multiverse where I am trapped here forever?!?!? Or should I go kill those Maggia **** anyway?

"Lets get em!" Shouts a voice muffled by a mask - it's Mikes Morales but he is a loaner! He swings in to battle followed by Iron Man and ha ha is that 1* Storm? We make short work of the grizzly henchmen but as Vinny the Muscle collapses from a well placed repulsor blast he laughs "You can't even do DDQ ya bum!"

He was right...out there my fellow MPQers might badly need my help to earn some barely adequate rewards but here I was being mocked by Vinnie.

"I have to get back, Tony, can you help me?"

"Do I look like I own a Delorean, player, if it is MPQ time shenanigans you need help with you need The Wizards help".

"The Wizard? Of Oz?"

"No Customer Services!"

"Genius! But how do I get there to seek help? Shall I continue to aid you in your battle against these Maggia swines?"

"Just send them an e....I mean yes, you have to keep battling with us here and especially level me up above Rogers!"

I nodded grimly little knowing I was heading into a Civil War in the making.

In the present, The Incredible Fartmist laughed as he defeated my team in SHIELD SIM with his trolly Polaris team, each blow stripping away my points and also...my very soul?

It was at that point I realised...I never did answer the question about the Maggia. Oops.

will7612

Bravo!!!!!!

WilliamK1983

🤬'n Rogers.

These are great. Keep 'em coming.

DAZ0273

Chapter 3: SHIELD Training

It seems my presence here has been noticed by more than just my ragtag bunch of 1* and lvl 15 Cap as I am greeted with a new message "Train your heroes on the roster" it demands. I try to explain that I am but a ghost in the machine but it won't stop making the little earthquake animation and so I finally give in and press the button. I am greeted by Iron Man. He is having his upper torso rubbed by a disembodied Spider-Man arm. I...I don't remember that from last time I was here. It seems the only way to stop Tony being rubbed is to apply a yellow cover so against my better judgement I give in and do so.

Suddenly Nick Fury appears:

"Tap the Level-Up button to increase your heroes level!" he demands. I don't like all this tapping and rubbing but I have little choice I guess. I level up Iron Man to 6.

"Nice work! Get back out there, Recruit!" bellows Nick Fury.

RECRUIT?!?!?! What have I done?!?! I knew I shouldn't have rubbed Tony.

I follow the earthquake pulsing over an arrow and it returns me to a screen that is mostly " Classified" but it looks like my poking and rubbing has levelled me up to 2. I will need to be stronger so I claim my earnings and look back to the path to the Worldwide Web - surely it will lead to the Wizard of CS?

In the next mission Black Widow asks Spider-Man to tie somebody up. I don't think it's a bondage thing but as Captain America isn't on this mission I guess the kids will play.

I just want to go home.

Then...from the future a message!

" Hello D3go Customer - your message has been received and is being reviewed by our Support Staff" The gods look upon me with favour! "It may take 24 to 72 hours..."

****.

But wait what is this...I am offered a bounty of picking between Spider-Man, Dr. Strange or Deadp...TIME WIZARD, I CHOOSE TIME WIZARD!!!!!

But how will I recruit him? My HP is locked in the future and I only have 125 here in this limbo and the cost of a roster slot is....record scratch 25 HP?!?!? Ha ha, STRANGE me!

You won't keep me locked here for 72 hours Wizard of CS, with my new found magic time buddy we will find a way to be free!

Level 3 says the game. Quest in progress says the game.

Hmm...well maybe I have time to find out what happens next in the mission says the moron who screwed up his save data.

In the future, my true self fights off an assault in It's a Brick but how long can they hold out without me? The stakes are becoming life or...well probably not death but I am definitely not finishing the Deadpool PvE sigh

DAZ0273

Chapter 4 He's a Time Stone Wizard, there has to be a twist?

"OK Doc, mix me up some of that time travel and get me home baby!" I winked at him to show I had full faith in him.
"It doesn't work like that, peabrain. You're from the future you must have seen Endgame." Strange grumbled.
"Seen, yes. Understood, absolutely not!"
"I have looked into 51 different outcomes and you remain a moron in 50 of them. In only 1 future do you have any chance of success."
"I like those odds and...hey...you only looked at 51?!?!?"
"I gave up when I saw the future where you tried to re-set your tablet in the microwave and another where you kept sending CS pictures of goats."
" So you can't help me?" I sighed sigh
"Only you can help yourself, kid".
"Kid?!?! Dude I'm in my fifties!"
"I was talking about your mental age".

Wizards, you can't trust them, Tony was right.

It looked like I was all out of options but then...what new character was this? Devpool...

And then my plan began to form.

DAZ0273

Chapter 5: Devpool for ransom!

"DEVS!!!!" I screamed at the game, " I have your precious Devpool!!! And if you don't return me to my true timeline RIGHT NOW I am going to... I'm going to...uhm... I'm not going to roster him!!!! Ha ha, that's right! He is going to die on the vine in 13 days from now!!!!!"

"Now let's not be too hasty now player, you know it is Sunday, the Wizard of CS won't stop napping for at least another 24 hours and until then maybe I can help?" Said Devpool, clinging precariously on the edge of a roster spot. "Add me and we can fix this".

I eyed him suspiciously and looked at his power set.

"Hey! This says Bugs, bugs, bugs!!! You did this to me!!!!"

"I would never do that to a loyal player, especially not one who finished in...ha ha ha...oh man, did you even try last Season with that score?!?! Oh mercy!"

" Vine death!!!!" I hissed.

"OK. OK, settle down. Now did you also see that I have a power called Customer support?"

"Wait...so...are you the Wizard of CS?!?!"

"What? Uhm...no but I do know Bob in the post room and he once visited them! He said they were all daydrunk on a Wednesday surrounded by pizza but he has been known to lie about stuff, like when he claimed he knew what post was on his résumé. I could use my Dev powers to send him a message, to send to Customer Support! Genius, right?" Devpool beamed, clearly pleased with himself.

" So we are sending a message via unreliable post dept to drunk pizza addicts?"

"Look do you want to stay stuck here with 2* Cap or not?"

I looked over to Cap who gesturing towards me and mouthed the words "Lunging Stretches".

" Just get me outta here!"

"Going to have to roster me..."

" How do I know this isn't a trick?" I narrowed my eyes for maximum impact so he knew I could not be tricked.

" Stretches!"

" No fine, you win, I'll do it"

I pressed the recruit button and...75 HP?!? Jesus inflation here is a killer, is it 2023 again?!?!?

"Yes!!!!" shouted Devpool, "I am free again, ha ha ha!"

"What's going on here?!?! There wasn't meant to be an evil laugh..."

"You didn't notice which cover I was did you?"

"I...what...oh no... purple"

"That's right - Character Rebalance! And now I am going to rebalance YOU!!!!!"

"Oh ****" I said with to be fair a reasonable amount of validity.

"I'm not going to warn you again!" said 2* Cap.

DAZ0273

Chapter 6: Waiting

Waiting. Watching the clock it has to stop its 9-ish o'clock, tell them, take no more he practices his speech as the email comes in the door...

Oh! The Wizard of CS has asked for ingredients to fix me, yay!

Oh the Devpool stuff...ah...yes...we will definitely find out what happens there at some point (looks up Brian Michael Bendis for "Ways to to con your readers there will be Satisfactory endings")

Meanwhile Devpool schemes and rebalances and schemes...maybe I can spin this like a sort of Crisis on MPQ Earth...sorry, don't read that bit... DEVPOOL!!!!!

DAZ0273

Chapter 7: Bob to the rescue

The screen cascaded with strange numbers and symbols as Devpool reshaped the very reality around him, he laughed, some would say maniacally but who was I to judge? Anyway he was completely nuts.

"All your base are belong to us!" he cackled.

I could feel my roster shrinking, losing power and was Star Lord now wearing budgie smugglers?!?!? I refocused trying to find a way to resist, I glanced up and saw that something strange was happening to Devpool, he appeared to be...glitching?

Suddenly, a strange portal appeared:

"Devpool! There you are! Have you overloaded on data again?"

"Who are you?!?!?" I asked

"Oh I'm Bob from the post room, I noticed Devpool hadn't opened his mail so I thought I'd find him here. Just one second."

Bob disappeared back though his portal and then Devpool flickered brightly before vanishing."

"That should do it." said Bob.

"What did you do?"

"Oh I just rebooted him, he should be fine now the bugs out his system. Right now let's sort you out! One sec."

Bob disappeared again and his portal closed.

"Great."

Then a swirling mist appeared and an enormous electronic head appeared.

"Greetings, I am the Wizard of CS. I have been sent here to bring you home but first, I must ask you three questions: are you prepared?"

I nodded.

" What is your old accounts name?"

"Daz0273"

"When did it last play?"

"Friday!"

"And..."

"Yes?!?!?"

"What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

"I...wait...what?"

Which one was a swallow again? Was it the one with the fork tail or was that a swift? Would Taylor Swift know?

"Ha ha. Just kidding, I love Monty Python!"

"So what is the final question then?"

"Are you ready to force close the App?"

I looked around at my new found friends, would I be able to leave them that easily?"

"You betcha Wizzy, get me outta here!"

"Remember to eat your greens!" Yelled 2* Cap.

The Wizard of CV waved his hand and everything went dark as the App force closed.

I launched it again and waited for it to boot - a short while later they were all waiting for. me: Shang, Jane, Chasm and everybody else. Was it all just a dream?!?!?

A notification popped up informing me that my entered code of SUMMERINTERN had succeeded and a Devpool cover landed on my vine. I pressed to roster it and at that moment I noticed a slight flicker...probably nothing I thought to myself as he joined my roster, a strange smile appearing on Devpools lips...

The End?