Just What Kind of Evidence is JJ Turning Up?

TPF Alexis

For some characters, it's easy. She could be revealing a secret identity (Daredevil, Spidey), exposing someone who's a more hidden type of villain (Hood or Kingpin), or showing that someone's not as squeaky clean as they might want to be seen (Dark Avengers).

But what about the out and out, completely unrepentant, openly villainous characters? What is she going to dig up about Thanos or Carnage (or some of the Bosses, like Galactus or Apocalypse) that's actually going to be harming them in any way? There really isn't any kind of atrocity that's going to substantially lower people's opinion of someone who's already tried to eat their entire planet multiple times or kill off a substantial percentage of the population of the entire universe. Or is it something that would kill their rep with the other villains or make them less threatening? Like maybe Thanos secretly runs a no-kill animal shelter and spends his free time bottle-feeding orphaned kittens or something?

mega ghost

Thanos: Glove fetish.
Carnage: Blood makes him squeamish.

AlwaysWrong

Carnage: in massive credit card debt from out of control antiquing. 
Thanos: that's a fake purple tan 
Doc Ock: not an actual doctor
Doctor Doom: actually a dentist 
Moonstone: has secret twitter account that dishes dirt on the dark avengers 
Green Goblin: Spider-Man cosplayer 
Ragnarok: he used an unsecured wifi network and now is riddled with viruses

TPF Alexis

AlwaysWrong said:

Doc Ock: not an actual doctor
Doctor Doom: actually a dentist

Should maybe swap these two, since it's canon that Doom dropped out of college before getting his doctorate

sambrookjm

Venom - Not actually poisonous?

TPF Alexis

Some of these are making me wish I could draw, so I could do an MPQ version of the Misleading Names Bird & Moon comic.

Dormammu

Despite his love of lady Death and proving his devotion to her by killing half of everyone in the universe, Thanos once cheated on Death with a clone of Aunt May. It happened in a Motel 6 near Queens. If Jessica had photographic evidence of that tawdry liaison it would be quite the galactic scandal.

Doc Ock has perfect 20/20 vision and Jessica has pictures of the results from his last visit to the optometrist to prove it. So why does he wear those funky glasses? Inquiring minds want to know.

Did you know Dr. Doom has a Chihuahua named 'Sparkles'? They look so cute together in the photos Jessica took.

Cletus Cassidy is actually not clinically insane and on the weekends he volunteers as a candy striper. While the photos Jessica took may not completely ruin him amidst the criminal underworld, it would give Spider-Man a lot of ammunition to use as one-liners the next time they fought.

Apocalypse is not an ancient Egyptian immortal, as he often has claimed. He's from Cleveland and his father is a sanitation truck driver. Jessica snapped some photos the last time Apocalypse went home to celebrate Flag Day. 

**Removed inappropriate content - Ducky

TPF Alexis

sambrookjm said:

Venom - Not actually poisonous?

I was just randomly reminded: Venomous and Poisonous are actually distinct terms in biology. In my favourite phrasing, if it bites you and you die, it's venomous. If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. The term that covers both is "Toxic*".

So, well he certainly doesn't live up to his name, it might still be possible for Venom to be poisonous. I don't know, tho. Are there any instances of someone or something biting Venom and suffering toxic effects?

*And that in turn is not actually an all-encompassing term. Toxin specifically refers to something produced by biological processes. So synthetic substances, or things like heavy metals, are Toxicants (which is, as far as I know, the broadest category), but not toxins. The classification system is further confused by the fact that even the people whose job involves making these distinctions sometimes use them interchangeably.

sambrookjm

TPF Alexis said:

sambrookjm said:

Venom - Not actually poisonous?

I was just randomly reminded: Venomous and Poisonous are actually distinct terms in biology. In my favourite phrasing, if it bites you and you die, it's venomous. If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. The term that covers both is "Toxic*".

Thanks for the correct terminology.  I'll therefore change mine to "Venom - Not actually Venomous?"

Bigtone

this is already my all-time favorite thread here

FinnyMPQ

Sandman spends his weekends visiting orphanages in middle America, dissolving to allow the kids to experience beach volleyball. 

Vulture comes along to rescue the ball when it gets stuck in a tree

ZootSax

Thanos cries uncontrollably at the end of made-for-television Hallmark movies.

Apocalypse has script of Taylor Swift's name as a *tattoo* which he tells everyone is an Egyptian ritual chant.

Dr Doom's true origin story began with a disastrous failure in an attempt to make an all-robot performance of the Lawrence Welk show.

Carnage's sole motivation to be in any part of the MPQ 4* meta is due to his extreme hair fetish.

Ultron spends hours in his bedroom practicing to land in Tony Stark's classic pose from the IM35 cover by jumping off his bunk bed and on to a pile of pillows scattered on the floor.

Galactus re-gifts presents he got from Silver Surfer that he doesn't want to admit are tacky.

**Removed inappropriate content - Ducky

djrdjr

Kraven is a vegetarian.
Ultron is building his own "Dazzler".

Quebbster

Fun fact: In his very first appearance, Galactus did not wear pants, just a miniskirt-. In later Printings they were colored in though.

**Removed quoted inappropriate content - Ducky

DAZ0273

Apocalypse appeared on the Weakest Link and lost.

Loki isn't really a god, he is an Insurance salesman named Bob (but he is good at lying).

The Sinister Six are not really a group of villains, they are a Dungeons & Dragons group.

Magneto's helmet doesn't really protect him from mental attacks, he just wears it on bad hair days.

Juggernaut can in fact, stop (and Jessica has the photos to prove it).

sambrookjm

Mordo *still* can't pull a rabbit out of a hat, no matter how hard he tried.

Sentry is actually Fabio's long lost twin brother.

Mystique doesn't really have blue skin - she just likes looking like Smurfette.

Calnexin

Secret mistresses.
Illegitimate children.
Bankrolled by Uatu.
Not really evil, just overcompensating for lack of parental attention.
No pinky toe.

The Bob The

Devil Dinosaur is actually a staunch Presbyterian.

Waddles_Pines

Dr. Doom's long lost brother is D-Man...

JackTenrec

During the long hiatus of the Fantastic Four, Sue Storm was a stunt double for Violet in The Incredibles 2.

Waddles_Pines

DAZ0273 said:

Juggernaut can in fact, stop (and Jessica has the photos to prove it).

He stopped for Shulk... her sleeping with Juggs was a running joke in one of her series...