Dozens of individuals in brightly colored costumes are seated around a large table within SHIELD headquarters. Nick Fury stands at its head, “Settle down everyone. We have a lot to discuss. First of all, I know it’s been a difficult few months, but everyone has finally been released from the vault. Our agent is no longer restricted to focusing on just twelve of you.”
A collective cheer goes up.
“Does that mean I can finally get champed?” the Thing asks.
“Not likely, bub.” Wolverine lights a half-chewed cigar.
Nick Fury glances at his tablet, “According to this, Ben, our agent only has forty other 4-stars he wants to champ before you.”
The Thing grumpily folds his arms across his rocky chest and settles into his chair. Reed Richards, sitting nearby, stretches his elastic arm to pat the Thing on his back, “Look on the bright side, Ben. You’re still ahead of me on the champ list.”
Miles Morales looks around, “Who’d our agent champ this week?”
“Medusa,” Johnny Storm points at the red-haired Inhuman, “I actually used to date her younger sister Crystal, back in the day.”
Peggy Carter looks on jealously, “Everyone’s using Medusa, these days.”
Spider-Man hangs upside down from a strand of webbing above the table, “What are you complaining about? Aren’t you from an alternate ‘What If…?’ dimension? You’re lucky to even be here.”
Peggy bangs the table with her fist, “I am not a ‘What If…?’ I am Captain America!”
Tony Stark twirls an olive in his martini, “Sure you are, lady.”
“Relax, Peggy,” Nick Fury urges, “Based on your usage during the Simulator event you’re still our agent’s favorite. Now, I’d like to introduce the newest member of our team…”
Mockingbird steps into the room with a big smile, wearing a controversial tee-shirt and short-shorts.
Iceman’s teenaged eyes widen with lust, “Yowza.”
“Oh ****,” Hawkeye slinks down in his chair to try and hide behind Kate Bishop, “It’s my ex!”
“Right now the developers are only allowing anyone to get her purple,” Nick Fury informs everyone, “So it’ll be a while before Bobbi sees any real action.”
“Team her with me!” Nova raises his hand excitedly, “Team her with me!”
Storm rolls her eyes, “Men.”
“Eh,” Starlord shrugs, “I think Moonstone’s still got her beat.” Gamora quickly elbows him.
Colossus rises from his chair, “Comrads! Comrads! Why are we wasting time with this foolishness when we need to be deciding what teams to use for Rocket and Groot’s event?”
Professor X sits in his wheelchair; Black Widow and Scarlet Witch stand behind him at his shoulders, “My angels and I stand ready.”
Luke Cage glances towards the Professor, “Hey man, you know you’re not that dude from TV, right? And that definitely ain’t Farah Fawcett and Jaclyn Smith standing behind you.”
The big green guy in the corner suddenly erupts, “Hulk smash puny tree and raccoon!”
Gwenpool tries to calm him down, “No, no, Rocket and Groot are on our side, remember?”
“Don’t we go to Madripoor for this event?” Wolverine reaches for his smoking jacket and eyepatch.
“Put your trappings away, Mortal.” Thanos wears a wicked smile, “With all the goons in this event, we shall court Death!”
byc said: You can't be Captain America. You're not even American!