The last gathering of my roster

Dormammu

During the last meeting of my MPQ roster, all the heroes and villains gathered around a shield-shaped table, Samuel L.... Nick Fury stepped to the head.

Nick Fury says, "Okay people, I'm looking for my Alpha Team, I can only take three of you. Our mission is to defeat Norman Osborn and his Dark Avengers"

Moonstone scratches her head, "Uh, why am I here? I AM a Dark Avenger. So are Venom, Ares, Daken, Bullseye, and Ragnarok. This doesn't make any sense."

Yelena scowls, "Why didn't you mention me?"

<Everyone laughs.>

Captain America stands up, "You're in our roster. We have to act as a team."

Wolverine lights a cigar, "Who put flag-boy in charge?"

Doctor Doom folds his arms across his chest, "Doom should be in charge. My intellect is unmatched! Especially without that cursed Reed Richards in the game."

Sue Storm looks around, "Where are my teammates?"

Peter Parker asks, "What's Doom doing here? He's tried to kill us all countless times!"

Black Widow glances towards Peter, "Parker, would you get that bag off your head? You're totally useless without your classic uniform."

Thor nods in agreement, "Verily."

"Forget about Doom," Daredevil interjects. "He only has two abilities. Magneto is much worse!"

Magneto glares over the crowd, as though superior to all.

"He's with us, Hornhead," Wolverine warns, putting on a smoking jacket and an eye patch.

Psylocke looks confused, "Wait, Magneto is a good guy again?"

Storm nods, "Can't you tell by his grey costume?"

The Punisher glowers, "What am I doing here? This is ridiculous."

Nick Fury tells him, "You're here because you fit on every team."

Loki suddenly stands, "I think I should be on the team."

<Everyone looks at Loki then erupts in laughter.>

The Hulk snorts, "Puny god."

"I'll lead the team," Captain America volunteers. "I'll make us some defense tiles!"

Daken pops his claws, "We'll all be dead by the time you get enough yellow. Better to use strike tiles."

Tony Stark reaches for his drink, "He's right, Cap. Even my Model 35 armor is a better option for defense tiles, and I haven't used that armor in ages."

Magneto suddenly dons his classic red uniform, "Using defense tiles for defense is pointless. We need to attack!"

Black Widow decides, "I want to be on the team, what uniform should I wear?"

The Black Panther chuckles, "You know your original costume is the only one any of us want to see."

Thor nods in agreement, "Verily."

Venom's tongue hangs out, "Partner me with Spider-Man and I will eat our foes like they were a tasty snack!"

Peter Parker waves his palms, "No way, I'm not working with Venom. He stole my costume and now I have to wear this bag over my head."

Nick Fury sighs, "You have another costume. If you'd just wear it you'd be a lock for any team."

The Juggernaut suddenly rises, "How come none of you chumps are begging me to be on the team?"

Bullseye balances an arrow on his fingertip, "Because you're only slightly more useful than me, which isn't saying much."

Hawkeye sighs, "Welcome to the club. No one ever picks me unless we're just hanging out in the Prologue."

Nick Fury rubs his palm over his scalp, "This isn't a popularity contest, people. We need a strong team."

The Hulk slams his fist on the table, "Hulk strongest one there is!"

The Hood suddenly interjects, "Yeah, but your red attack sucks compared to most other people's."

"Does anyone have a good yellow ability I can borrow?" Wolverine asks. "Mine was nerfed."

Ragnarok twitches and sparks, "Zzzzzttzzzzz."

Ares slams his battle axe down, burying its blade into the table, "I am the god of war! Pick me!"

Storm licks her lips at Ares' divine biceps, "Ares does have a nice color combination. Almost as good as me in my classic uniform."

"Thor has a three-star version now," the Black Panther points out. "Ares is already obsolete, even though he just joined us."

Thor nods in agreement, "Verily."

The Punisher glowers, "What am I doing here? This is ridiculous."

Bacon Pants

Thank you for this, I needed a laugh at work.

Happy Friday everyone!

Unknown

LOL.. This post made my day..! Please make a sequel..

Unknown

Just change that one line:

Nick Fury sighs, "You have another costume. If you'd just wear it you'd be a lock for any team... and besides, you look stunning in it..."

too much

Unknown

beezer37_84 wrote:

Just change that one line:

Nick Fury sighs, "You have another costume. If you'd just wear it you'd be a lock for any team... and besides, you look stunning in it..."

too much

Verily as Thor would put it

KaioShinDE

Good job nailing the characters

Dormammu

The following Friday, Nick Fury gathers his troops around the table...

Nick Fury announces, "All right, people. Big tournament this weekend, who are we going to team with Cap?"

Wolverine waves his hands tiredly, "I'm too wore out from being the best there is at what I do."

Daken snorts, "What do you do, anyway? Other than wear a million different costumes?"

*snikt* Wolverine pops his claws, "I can promise you it ain't very nice!"

"Be careful, Logan," Storm warns. "Daken is getting a gold version soon, he's about to get a whole lot tougher."

Steve Rogers inspects his shield with a confused expression, "When did my shield turn into pure energy?"

Magneto stands and folds his arms across his chest, "I am the obvious choice to join Captain America's team."

"Hardly," the Black Widow counters. "Your colors clash with Cap's."

Hawkeye wonders, "Are we still calling her 'Fishnets'?" as he points towards Widow.

Tony Stark ogles Black Widow's legs as he sips a martini.

The Black Panther looks around, "Where's Juggernaut, Venom, and Bullseye? Maybe they could help during Cap's event?"

"They're busy causing trouble in the Red-Iso event," Daredevil reminds.

Spider-Man hangs over the table upside-down, "The only trouble with that Red-Iso event is the rubberbanding. Sheesh! It's giving me whiplash."

Steve Rogers looks around with a confused expression, "Has anyone seen my mask? Ever since I got my gold version I can't find it."

The Punisher lifts a hand to his forehead and shakes his head in disbelief.

Psylocke suggests, "What about the Hulk? He could tank pretty well for the captain."

The Hulk snorts derisively, "Hulk think Shieldbro puny."

Tony Stark eats his martini olive, "I'd get my Model 40 armor out, but that has the exact same colors as cap."

"Looks like we're going with the Punisher again," the Invisible Woman sighs. "He's on every team."

"Well, if your brother was ready we could take him," Black Widow comments.

"Johnny won't be available for another 3-4 days," Nick Fury reminds.

"We could always tank this event," Hawkeye suggests.

Yelena suddenly perks up, "Oh, does that mean you'll take me along?"

"That's a great idea," Spider-Man says. "I'll go get my bag!"

Unknown

I'll go get my bag

Unknown

Yelena suddenly perks up, "Oh, does that mean you'll take me along?"

"That's a great idea," Spider-Man says. "I'll go get my bag!"


LOL
Bagspy and Bagman make a lovely pair.

Unknown

Another great post!

I nearly fell out of my chair over those last two lines.

Unknown

Literally lol at work, had to come up with a dumb cover up. This was hilarious.

Spider-man 6234

Oh my word. School just got that much easier.

Unknown

Well done! Good afternoon reading.

Unknown

This post just made my day. Funniest thing I've seen on the internet in months...

Unknown

good , very good

Unknown

Hey Dormammu,
Just curious if your team has gotten together for the widow event. Also bumping this to the top for anyone who missed it. Love this post.

Dormammu

SoloRidge wrote:

Hey Dormammu,
Just curious if your team has gotten together for the widow event. Also bumping this to the top for anyone who missed it. Love this post.

I think we're going to sit the Black Widow event out, only because it's been a hectic couple of MPQ weeks chasing after Lazy Cap and now stressing a top 50 finish in Red ISO for Johnny covers. The team needs a breather!

Glad you like my comedic fiction, though. I'll try to write another one, maybe for Friday.

Unknown

Okay in the meantime I hope you don't mind if I take a crack at it.


“What’s our strategy this time?” Fury asks.

“Well, my zipper is stuck so I guess I’ll have to go out like this,” says Black Widow wearing her grey suit.

Tony Stark leans back in his chair, “I think the original fishnets is a better look.”

“You better watch it I have my sniper rifle,” warns Black Widow.

“I’m surprised you didn’t misplace it,” quips Peter Parker.

<Everyone but Black Widow chuckles>

“I believe you are thinking of her Deceptive Tactics,” Captain America states. “And while I agree that Black Widow does not make for the best guard as her attention can sometimes wander, she is absolutely vital to this mission.”

“I could be of use on this mission to deter attacks and compliment her skills” states Black Panther.

“I think you are ahead of yourself. You don’t deter attacks yet at your level” replies Doom.

“What!... we got the bad guys here again?” asks Peter.

“I guess I am a little unclear on the mission,” Psylocke says in frustration.

“You’re still new here, give it a little more time and you’ll be a great fit on a lot of the missions.” Says Director Fury. “For now we are getting a little off track. Widow just take Cyber-Thor and use him as a glorified battery and...”

“Bzzzzzzt”

“’Bout all he’s good for anymore,” mutters Logan.

“ …your pick of someone that won’t clash too horribly with that combination” Director Fury looks at Wolverine, Hulk, Punisher, Ares, Thor…
“We’ll get in, get what we came for, and get out. Oh, and Peter grab your bag... we’ll be using it.”