Favorite needlessly complicated cards

shteev

While deliberately playing terrible cards in the latest event, I was struck by the overcomplicated nature of Nirkana Assassin. 'When you gain life, this creature gains Deathtouch until end of turn'. Wow. That is a lot of words to put into an ability which nobody will ever care about. How about this: 'Deathtouch'. Clean, elegant design, and still terrible enough to ensure that if the card has any bugs, nobody will want to play it so they probably won't notice.

This got me wondering, what are your favorite needlessly complicated cards? Cards which use 12 words for an ability when 1 will do? Werewolves are a particular favorite of mine, all that flipping over to and fro when really Gatstaf Arsonists could just have been a 4/3 Menace in the first place and nobody really cares whether or not Conduit of Storms destroys 1 or 2 gems.

Meld, IMO, sets a high watermark for spurious complexity, so I'd have to say my favorite card like this is Chittering Host. Literally no human being alive would want to spend 10 mana on a 3/3 that does nothing, let alone a 3/2 that does nothing. But then to have them both vanish and be replaced by a 3/4 (a 3/4!!) with Menace is comic genius of a kind which I struggle to replicate every day.

yunnnn

The D3 dev cubicles:

Bob: Hey guys we need another mythic for blue.
Joe: But we already screwed up blue, it's too strong.
Bob: How about instead of creating a powerful card, we create one that is interesting and niche, and can be useful in certain decks?
Steve: *Walks in* Hey guys, its 2pm, lets go outside and smoke our thin french cigarettes and have a croissant and then go home.
Bob: Oui oui! *walks away from desk, leaving computer unlocked*
Later: A cat walks over the keyboard, randomly configuring what is now Mind's Dilation

jimilinho_

There's a few I could bring up but for me it's not even close.

Veteran Warleader

You could fall asleep reading the amount of text of that card (there's no sleep emoji so I'll just go with) Zzzzz...

Tilikum

madwren

In the defense of Nephalia Drakes, the text has been corrected to something less confusing.

khurram

jimilinho_ wrote:

There's a few I could bring up but for me it's not even close.

Veteran Warleader

You could fall asleep reading the amount of text of that card (there's no sleep emoji so I'll just go with) Zzzzz...

It is complicated but i wouldnt say needlessly..... Its an interesting card and most importantly it has never been bugged and worked exactly as it is supposed to, despite all of its interations with board state....

A complicated but not buggy card is a rarity in mtgpq.

khurram

shteev wrote:

While deliberately playing terrible cards in the latest event, I was struck by the overcomplicated nature of Nirkana Assassin. 'When you gain life, this creature gains Deathtouch until end of turn'. Wow. That is a lot of words to put into an ability which nobody will ever care about. How about this: 'Deathtouch'. Clean, elegant design, and still terrible enough to ensure that if the card has any bugs, nobody will want to play it so they probably won't notice.

Kalastria nightwatch is the same... But it gains flying till the end of turn instead

blacklotus

My vote goes to George Cloony...er...white Ulrich.

does anyone even play that mythic card except for mastery pts?

Ohboy

blacklotus wrote:

My vote goes to George Cloony...er...white Ulrich.

does anyone even play that mythic card except for mastery pts?

Now that's a card I tried really hard to get it to work.

LeafHyren

blacklotus wrote:

My vote goes to George Cloony...er...white Ulrich.

does anyone even play that mythic card except for mastery pts?

You mean Odric haha Ulrich is more of a Dos Equis guy

blacklotus

LeafHyren wrote:

blacklotus wrote:

My vote goes to George Cloony...er...white Ulrich.

does anyone even play that mythic card except for mastery pts?

You mean Odric haha Ulrich is more of a Dos Equis guy

thanks. u see what I mean now? I can't even remember that card's name.

angelzpanik

Tilikum wrote:

I love Accursed Witch bc when I need to replace to get another useful card out, I replace her for the support. However, very very wordy!

Ampmp11

Ohboy wrote:

blacklotus wrote:

My vote goes to George Cloony...er...white Ulrich.

does anyone even play that mythic card except for mastery pts?

Now that's a card I tried really hard to get it to work.

It's actually a pretty good card once you have the cards to make it work. It's basically a constant board wipe, but by itself it's not very good. It's a long setup unless you have Deploy the Gatewatch.

wink

What's the setup? Not that I have Odric, but I am curious.

MaxMagic420

yunnnn wrote:

The D3 dev cubicles:

Bob: Hey guys we need another mythic for blue.
Joe: But we already screwed up blue, it's too strong.
Bob: How about instead of creating a powerful card, we create one that is interesting and niche, and can be useful in certain decks?
Steve: *Walks in* Hey guys, its 2pm, lets go outside and smoke our thin french cigarettes and have a croissant and then go home.
Bob: Oui oui! *walks away from desk, leaving computer unlocked*
Later: A cat walks over the keyboard, randomly configuring what is now Mind's Dilation

You made me laugh so hard I inhaled faygo and almost died. Worth it.

bk1234

jimilinho_ wrote:

There's a few I could bring up but for me it's not even close.

Veteran Warleader

You could fall asleep reading the amount of text of that card (there's no sleep emoji so I'll just go with) Zzzzz...

I had to take a screenshot and blow it up because they made the text so small I couldn't see it

Mainloop25

Odric is decent with first strike. Come to think of it, i was trying to master World Breaker last night, and it is actually usable with Ulrich and Helm of the Gods. Ishkanah is still way better but it was fun to make an otherwise garbage card viable.

HomeRn

Graf Harvest. Effectively gives your zombies menance... but the card states the definition of it instead!