Completely unofficial community challenge: Rewrite Kate!

El Satanno

In round 2 of the current Simulator event, the final essential node pitted us all against a team which contained 4* Hawkeye; Kate Bishop. Besides the fact that she is yet another thoroughly mediocre character taking up space in our rosters, something about her has bothered me since her release day. Her appearance in the event kind of broke my brain for one very specific reason: Ruthless Precision.

This power is written so badly, it makes my eyes hurt.
ahem
To quote:

Ruthless Precision: 12 blue
Kate doesn't futz around. Deals X damage and creates an X-turn Countdown tile. While this tile is on the board, enemies cannot gain health.

"Kate doesn't futz around." What does that even mean? God kitty
that is so bad. It's quite possibly one of the dumbest single statements I've ever heard. And that's it! The flavor text with exactly zero flavor. It's the tofu of text. It's like the epilogue to the crime against literature that is the script for the Loser Hulk event. (I bet the same guy was responsible for both.) The name of the power doesn't make any sense, either. The only thing that isn't gag-inducing is the actual effect of the power. It's niche as hell, but it's serviceable.

So! I bring to you a fun challenge: Re-write Kate's blue power. Leave the actual effect itself alone, though. Just gin up a power name and flavor text that doesn't make Pokemon slashfic look like Shakespeare. One entry per post, please. Upvote the ones you like, and in a couple weeks we'll see who has the best entry as selected by all of us. Whee!



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"Kate doesn't futz around."