[Spoilers] Meet Rocket and Groot story text

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edited November 2014 in MPQ Events, Tournaments, and Missions
For those who are having trouble finishing the nodes, I decided this morning to start typing out the story text so that even if we can't finish the subs we can still know the whole story.

Updated again to add the first sub. Will include the pretty colours when I get home.

A Walk in the Park (Intro to Sub 1)
Black Widow - Juggernaut's on a tear in Central Park. I could use a hand. What's your ETA?
Captain America - We're here.
Ironman 40 - Hold on there, Big Red. This is where the fun stops.
Juggernaut - Not hardly, Stark. I'm just getting started!

After the battle:
Juggernaut - Time to get while the getting is good. Smash you later, Stark--whoa!
Ironman 40 - Whoa is right. Fury, we've got an unidentified spacecraft in Central Park.
Groot - I am Groot.
Ironman 40 - Scratch that unidentified part. Where's--?
Rocket - Hey to you, the only planet in the galaxy where a guy can get a decent pizza!
Welcome To Earth
1 - Intergalactic Vacation
Rocket - Stark! Hey buddy, we're taking a vacation from the whole Guardians thing. Thought we'd swing by Earth and see where the party was.
Ironman 40 - It was here a minute ago, but you missed our old pal Juggernaut.
Captain America - Party's about to start again.
Hood - Since when are the high-and-mighty Avengers recruiting talking plants and animals? Times must be tough on the Helicarrier.

After the battle:
Rocket - This is the krutacking guy giving you trouble? He looks like his mommy pinned a towel to his shirt.
Ironman 40 - Like him or not, the Hood's goons are all over the place. We can't leave the park like this. It's littering.
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - Yeah, I know. Some vacation so far, huh?

2 - Sight Seeing
No story text

3 - Criminal Enterprise
Ironman 40 - Seriously, what are you guys doing here?
Rocket - Getting away from it all. I've had enough of capital worlds and high-tech civilizations. What we need is a nice quiet backwater. This is perfect.
Ironman 40 - Rocket and Groot, Ministers of Tourism.
Rocket - The one thing that this planet stands out at is pizza. Who wants a slice?

After the battle:
Ironman 40 - Thing with pizza is you have your East Coast thin-crust style, and then your Chicago-style thick crust. It's heresy if you like them both.
Rocket - I like a crunch.
Ironman 40 - Also there's Sicilian, real gooey. What's Groot want?
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - Hawaiian?! I'm gonna be sick.

4 - Disorganized Crime
No story text

5 - A Tree Groots In New York
Juggernaut - Hey, a tree. You look about the right size for me to use as a toothpick.
Groot - I am groot.
Rocket - Oh, man! No, you didn't!
Juggernaut - What?
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - HA! You're killing me... he does totally look like one of those.
Juggernaut - WHAT?!
Rocket - Trust me, you don't want to know...Heh heh heh...
Juggernaut - That's it, you stupid tree! I'm gonna use you to smash your furry little buddy into a paste!

After the battle:
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - Yeah, yeah. You done good. Don't go and get a big head. Or big...crown, or whatever.

6 - King of New York
No story text

7 - A Rocket and a Hard Place
Black Widow - Groot sure did a number on Juggernaut.
Captain America - That's what he's good at.
Hood - Juggernaut get you softened up? That's what he's for.
Rocket - Check out these guns. They look soft to you?
Hood - "Dear Mom - Today I saw a talking raccoon flexing his biceps." new York City, man.
Rocket - "Dear Mom - Today I kicked the flaaknard out of a guy who named himself after his clothes." Earth, man.
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - I know! Stark, I can't believe you let Z-listers like this give you trouble.

After the battle:
Rocket - Yeah, you better run!
Ironman 40 - I'm starting to think you should vacation here more often.
Black Widow - The Maggia cleared out along with the Hood. Show's over.
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - What he said.
Captain America - What did he say?
Rocket - He said it's time to party! See ya, suckers!

Essential - A Talking What?
Thug - Since when are there talking raccoons?
Rocket - A raccoon? What's a raccoon?
Don - It's an animal. Digs around in the trash.
Rocket - The trash?! Are you calling me a dumpster diver? You and me, we got a problem.

Essential - Shoot Out
No story text

Essential - All in the Family
No story text

Roll The Dice (Intro to open Sub 2)
Rocket - Yeah, baby! Earth's got New York pizza and Madripoor casinos! I love this place.
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - Roll them bones, Groot! You're hot! Another thousand on the tree!
Maggia Don - You. In the red pajamas. You gonna fade again?
Deadpool - Just one minute, Cheaty McCheaterson.
Rocket - What did you call me?
Deadpool - You think I don't know cheating when I see it? I invented cheating!
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - You heard the tree. Back off or we stick those swords in an uncomfortable place.

After the battle:
Maggia Don - I think you and your pets here better leave.
Deadpool - Pets? These are aliens, man. Who wants an alien pet?
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - yeah, we'll leave. Action's dying down around here anyway.

Sub 2 - Luck Be A Lady
1 - Mysterious Stranger
Rocket - Man, we just got here and you come along and get us thrown out. Let's get the krutack out of here.
Deadpool - You know, you seemed so much nicer when you were helping Snow White get dressed.
Mystique - Enough. All of you.
Rocket - Who says?
Deadpool - Oh, right, you guys aren't from around here. This is Mystique. She's an evil shapeshifting mutant. She also runs the show around here.
Deadpool - Mystique, this is Rocket and Groot. We were just fighting because they cheat at ****.
Deadpool - Okay. We all know each other? Good! Now we can fight!

After the battle:
Rocket - Now that's what I'm talkin' about! Who's next?
Deadpool - We kind of ran out of Mystique's goons.
Rocket - Aw, man...
Deadpool - Don't sweat it. What we do is we cause more trouble. Mystique'll get irritated again and send us some more Iso-8-ified goods to carve up.
Rocket - Deal.

2 - Opportunity
Mystique - A sentient tree and a talking alien raccoon...I'm starting to sense a business opportunity.
Mystique - I imagine there are a number of people who might spend quite a bit of money to get their hands on specimens like these.
Mystique - I can get them off my island and freshen up the offshore accounts at the same time. Win-win.

After the battle:
Rocket - You believe her, sending a mob like that to kick us out? Who does she think she is?
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - Damn right. We stay wherever we want, for as long as we want. Let's see 'em try and stop us!

3 - Mutated Security
No story text.

4 - Aggravated Abominations
No story text.

5 - Sidekickin' It
Patch - I shoulda known it was you behind all the ruckus, Wade.
Deadpool - Logan! I almost didn't recognize you in your cool and very effective eyepatch disguise.
Deadpool - Check out my new sidekicks.
Groot - I am Groot.
Deadpool - Spiffy, huh?
Patch - That's one word for them, I guess.
Rocket - Oh yeah, short stuff? You got a different one?

6 - Cowardly Escape
Patch - Boys, Wade might have introduced you to Mystique, but he probably left some things out.
Patch - She's cruel, vindictive, manipulative, and willing to stab anyone in the back. About right, you think?
Mystique - I think you're in now position to talk about stabbing people in the back, Logan.
Rocket - Ooh, zing! is this a lovers' quarrel or more, like, ideological?
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - I'll take that bet.

After the fight:
Mystique - Keep up your party, boys... You're not worth my time.
Rocket - Hey, where's she krutacking going? Get back here and fight!

7 - Covering Her Getaway
No story text.

8 - Batting Cleanup
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - yeah, me too. Hey, cyclops!
Patch - What'd you call me?!
Rocket - Because of the eye-patch. What's with Mystique? She starts fights and bails in the middle? Not very classy.
Patch - Mystique ain't concerned about class, just in saving her hide. Tell you a little story. She once threw her own kid in the river because he was slowing her down.
Rocket - Cold.
Patch - They don't come any colder.

After the fight:
Patch - She's not just throwing away all of these grunts. She's got some kind of plan. If she wanted us to leave, she'd just get out of the way.
Rocket - Ooh, a scheme. Wonder what it is...

9 - Reinforced Steel
Ironman 35 - Hey gang. I was monitoring your location for trouble and came to help.
Patch - Looks like Mystique talked a big game but turned tail. Who would have believed that?
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - You said it.
Ironman 35 - Let's get rid of the last of these guys and clear out. Fury wants to meet up, and he's not known for his patience.

After the battle:
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - I don't know. Where'd he go? Logan, you see where Stark went? He didn't even stick around for the fight. Wuss.
Ironman 40 - Iron Man to Rocket - I hear you guys are raising hell in Madripoor. Need back-up?
Rocket - What do you mean, you hear? You were just here raising a little hell yourself.
Groot - I am Groot.
Ironman 40 - What? I haven't left Manhattan in days.
Rocket - Just a sec--wait, what?
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - Groot just said he's missing a little sprig.
Patch - Uh oh.
Ironman 40 - Uh oh is right. Sounds like Mystique fooled you, boys. And if Groot's missing a sprig, I bet we know who has it.

Essential - Shifting Landscape
No story text.

Essential - Mutant Mob Scene
No story text.

Essential - Run This Town
No story text.

Entering: Latveria (Intro to open Sub 3)
Ironman 40 - Welcome to Latveria, everyone. Keep your heads down. Mystique is here with the Groot sprig. Can we all guess what that means?
Rocket - She's taking up gardening?
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - What? I am taking it seriously.
Wolverine - She's here to sell the sprig to Doom. Give him two weeks, he'll cultivate a Groot army.
Ironman 40 - Just what Earth needs - an army of Mutant Trees from Planet X.
Rocket - Oh, man. One is enough.
Ironman 40 - Agreed. So let's get it back.
Wolverine - Heads up, people. Here comes the welcoming committee.

After the battle:
Rocket - You call these robots? Most other planets, they wouldn't even use these to polish other robots!

Sub 3: Seed of Destruction
1 - March of the Bots
Ironman 40 - So now you've met the Doombots.
Rocket - Doombots? Real clever name.
Ironman 40 - Well, that's one of the things about Doom. He adds his name to everything. Castle Doom, Doominators, DoomFlakes...it's an issue he has.
Ironman 40 - Anyway, we're going to have to go through a lot of them to get that piece of Groot back.

2 - Identical Doom
Wolverine - Those ain't Doombots. Mystique can't be far if her Iso-8 grunts are here.
Rocket - Then let's go get her.

After the battle:
Rocket - So this Latveria place.
Wolverine - What about it?
Rocket - It's run by some krutacking crazy dictator and populated mostly by his minions?
Wolverine - That's about the size of it.
Rocket - Cool. Then I won't have to feel bad about blasting the whole country to rubble if that's what it takes to get Groot's sprig back.
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - Don't get sentimental.

3 - Mystique's Trail
No story text

4 - Brotherhood of Doom
No story text

5 - Face to Face
No story text

6 - Wrath of Doom
Ironman 40 - I hear your impression of me wasn't too convincing.
Mystique - Oh, really? Who said that? Your genius friends who were fooled by it?
Ironman 40 - I think when you ran out on the fight, that probably gave it away.
Mystique - Oh, yes, you've never let anyone fight your battles for you. Not Tony Stark.
Ironman 40 - Insecurity makes you lash out. It's sad, really.

After the battle:
Rocket - So, I don't know how to tell you this...
Groot - I am Groot.
Rocket - Hold up, let me tell him. Anyway, the thing is, her impression of you was actually pretty good.
Ironman 40 - Doubtless because I leave an impression.
Rocket - You're a type. Snarky wise guy, runs his mouth... That's not hard to get a handle on.
Ironman 40 - Are you taking her side?
Rocket - Telling it like it is, is all.
Ironman 40 - I guess I'll be crying myself to sleep at night after I help you get your pal's little twig back.
Groot - I am Groot.
Ironman 40 - See? At least someone's grateful.
Rocket - That's not what he...never mind.

7 - The Heart of Castle Doom
No story text

8 - Lab Work
Ironman 40 - Look at this place. Doom's already started splicing Groot's samples into these Iso-8 Mutants! He's turning them into Grootants!
Groot - I AM GROOT!
Rocket - Yeah, I'd be mad, too. Let's bust this place up before they hatch.
Doctor Doom - I am afraid I cannot permit that. The Flora Colossus is quite an extraordinary organism... and its DNA will help make an unstoppable army for Doom!

After the battle:
Doctor Doom - For all your enthusiastic destruction, you are too late. Soon this army will multiply beyond your ability to stop it!

9 - The Big Boom
Doctor Doom - You see, Stark? My minions grow in number, and in strength!
Wolverine - I see a nutcase who needs to be cut down to size.
Ironman 40 - You and me both. Focus on Doom. We'll handle the lab after.
Groot - I AM GROOT!
Rocket - Bad idea, Doom. You made my pal Groot mad.

After the battle:
Ironman 40 - Stark to Fury. We are in the air, leaving Latveria. Wish we could be sure we got rid of all of Doom's specimens.
Rocket - Hey, Stark. Take a look out your window.
Ironman 40 - Holy--! What did you do? That's a mighty big boom.
Rocket - I left a little something behind for that flaaknard, just to remove any uncertainty.
Groot - I am Groot.
Ironman 40 - Good enough. So where will your tour of Earth take you next? Maine is nice.
Rocket - We're headed home. This was alright, but we've had about all the relaxation we can stand - Earth's just too dull for us.

Essential - Latverian Brotherhood
No story text

Essential - Strange Allies
No story text

Essential - Metal on Metal
Ironman 40 - Confession time - I empathize with your megalomania. A little.
Doctor Doom - Do not flatter yourself with comparisons to Doom, Stark. You can no better relate to Doom than an ant to a god.
Ironman 40 - Well, that's probably a good thing. Otherwise I'd do something crazy like splice alien DNA into an army of Iso-8-mutated soldiers. That's really a nonstarter.
Doctor Doom - Spare me your jargon. This is no boardroom. This is Latveria! Only Doom decides what Doom will do.
Ironman 40 - Oh, yeah, about that referring to yourself in the third person thing...
Doctor Doom - Enough!

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