My car has a flat tire

Unknown

So a few days ago, my wife came to me and told me that the car had a flat tire. She was upset because she was planning to meet the girls for a night out and had been REALLY looking forward to it. I told her that I anticipated that I would put a patch on the tire by 5pm. More than enough time for the both of us to get our affairs in order. So 5pm comes around and my wife comes up to me and says that the tire is still flat. "Where is the patch?" she asks. I tell her that there was a problem with the patch.

"When will you apply the patch?" she asks. I look at her and say nothing.

"Will the patch be applied in time for my girls night out?" she asks. I look at her and say nothing.

She stares at me. I stare at her. She stares at me staring at her. Finally she gets all huffy and walks away.

Several times over the last few days she has returned to me. "Where is the patch?" "Does the patch have a problem?" I stare at her until she walks away.

I know exactly what the situation is with the patch. But I will never tell her. And I will never tell you.

Mawtful

But who was patch?

over_clocked

I was expecting a spam thread but this is 10x times more awesome than a non-spam thread.

IamTheDanger

That's just too good. Loved it. +1 thumbs up.

JJ

h4n1s

Houtro

Damn if I did that... I would be the one with a patch!

Nonce Equitaur 2

Did you just sneak in and fix the flat tire without telling your wife?

famousfoxking

So a few days ago THOUSANDS of cars across the world all got flat tires. These cars race against each other, so it's important they all get new tires at the same time: otherwise some of these cars would have a massive advantage over the other cars. So, we put together a patch for the tires and gave them to the manufacturers to put on the cars. Oh, I forgot to mention, the cars are all Fords, Toyotas and Chevrolets, and only the manufacturer can fix the flat tires. We can put the patch together, but then we have to give the patch to them and let them fix the flats themselves. So yeah, Ford, Toyota and Chevrolet have the patch, but one of them found a problem with the patch, so now we're trying to fix it so that we can give all of them a new patch that none of them will find a problem with.

My wife asked me when the patch will be ready, but I don't know: I'm still waiting for all three of the car manufacturers to be happy with it. I don't have a good answer to give her so I tell her nothing, because surely she understands that I have to patch thousands of tires, on cars made by three different manufacturers at the same time and coordinating all of that to happen at once is difficult to say the least.

I could tell her that it's Toyota that has a problem with the patch, but then she and her friends will start to harp on about how we shouldn't let Toyotas compete in the race, and should only race good, American made Fords and Chevys. That is not a fight I want to start, so I say nothing. Also, Toyota is my business partner, so I probably shouldn't publicly tinykitty on them.

Several times over the last few days she has returned to me. "Where is the patch?" "Does the patch have a problem?" Now, I've already told her that the patch has a problem and that I'm working on it, so I stare at her until she walks away.

I don't actually know exactly what the situation is with the patch, because even once I'm done and I hand it over to Toyota, they could take weeks approving it for all of their cars. And even then, they may still find a problem with the patch and I'll have to start all of this over. I've told my wife everything I can about the patch, but she keeps asking me the same questions.

[braces for the downvotes]

jojeda654

So a few days ago, my wife came to me and told me that the car had a flat tire. She was upset because she was planning to meet the girls for a night out and had been REALLY looking forward to it. I got my tools ready, and as I stepped outside, my cellphone started ringing. I pulled out my phone and answered the call. It was the police. They wanted me to come in an identify my wife's body. She has been in a fatal accident last night. Said it was caused by a sudden tire puncture. Thinking it was a prank, I laughed it off and walked back inside to tell her what just happened. I couldn't find her. I went inside each room, only to find they were all empty. I went back outside to our backyard. Maybe she had gone near the pecan tree for some shade. To my horror, the old tire swing was missing. The rubber had been shredded to pieces. I knew she was gone.

Anyways, patch is live!

Nighthawk81

jojeda654 wrote:

So a few days ago, my wife came to me and told me that the car had a flat tire. She was upset because she was planning to meet the girls for a night out and had been REALLY looking forward to it. I got my tools ready, and as I stepped outside, my cellphone started ringing. I pulled out my phone and answered the call. It was the police. They wanted me to come in an identify my wife's body. She has been in a fatal accident last night. Said it was caused by a sudden tire puncture. Thinking it was a prank, I laughed it off and walked back inside to tell her what just happened. I couldn't find her. I went inside each room, only to find they were all empty. I went back outside to our backyard. Maybe she had gone near the pecan tree for some shade. To my horror, the old tire swing was missing. The rubber had been shredded to pieces. I knew she was gone.

Anyways, patch is live!

Not seeing it on iOS yet.

Twysta

Nonce Equitaur 2 wrote:

Did you just sneak in and fix the flat tire without telling your wife?

Unknown

Wait a minute! Is this whole thread a metaphor for something? Are you and your wife having problems and you're looking for help from complete strangers?

Unknown

Twysta wrote:

Nonce Equitaur 2 wrote:

Did you just sneak in and fix the flat tire without telling your wife?

I don't see a problem. I have patched many tires for my wife (approximately 60 or so at this writing). I don't even need to test the patches anymore. So even though this is a picture of my tire, I see no problem from my end in the near future. Yet I am sure my wife will find SOMETHING to complain about.

Nonce Equitaur 2

Jdberia wrote:

Not seeing it on iOS yet.

The iOS car has been moved into a locked showroom. Hope you won't need it any time soon.

Raffoon

Paintsville wrote:

.

Does the story end with you cutting off her arm while she slept, replacing it with a wooden leg, then yelling I KNOW YOU LIKED USING YOUR ARM, BUT IT WAS TOO GOOD, SO I CUT IT OFF AND NOW YOU HAVE A PEG-LEG-ARM INSTEAD. ENJOY, AND IF YOU WANT I'LL BUY YOUR PEG-LEG-ARM OFF YOU FOR 5 BUCKS.

I mean... that seems like the appropriate analogy, no?

Unknown

Paintsville wrote:

Twysta wrote:

Nonce Equitaur 2 wrote:

Did you just sneak in and fix the flat tire without telling your wife?

I don't see a problem. I have patched many tires for my wife (approximately 60 or so at this writing). I don't even need to test the patches anymore. So even though this is a picture of my tire, I see no problem from my end in the near future. Yet I am sure my wife will find SOMETHING to complain about.

I know what you guys mean. I did exactly the same thing, patched my wife's tire like above... and all she did was complain about it.

"It's a terrible patch," she told me, "my car doesn't run anywhere near as well as before."

I told her her old car was broken. She was driving it too fast and having too much fun, and she really needed to slow down.

"But, now I can barely drive at all," she argued, "everyone keeps passing me!"

I told her that was simple too. All she needs to do is rotate the tires.

She, of course, complained that that didn't work at all.

Women. Sheesh. What do they know about cars?

So I told her to buy new tires. That's always worked for me when I patch up my own car.

Beast1970