During the last meeting of my roster...

During the last meeting of my roster, all the heroes gathered around a large oval table in a secret S.H.I.E.L.D. installation.

Nick fury, at the head of the table, raised an arm to calm the large mass of spandex-clad individuals, "Pipe down, people. We've got a lot to discuss. First of all, I've just received word that God Emperor Doom may be attacking soon."

"Oh my stars and garters," Beast exclaimed, fearful.

"Waitaminute," Miles Morales lifted a finger, "I knew this Doom guy was an emperor of some weird Count-Dracula-type place, but when did he become a god?"

"This is a different Doom," Tony Stark lazily explained, "From an alternate dimension. Kind of like my Mark XLVI armor."

Iceman quickly interjected, "Can we please keep the alternate-dimension psycho-babble to a minimum, for just one meeting?"

"Let us discuss the ramifications of time travel, instead," Doctor Strange pointed at the newly arrived Bishop and Cable, "Or has everyone else failed to notice that the X-Men continue to meddle with the fragile time-space continuum?"

The teenage version of Jean Grey frowned towards the Sorcerer Supreme.

Iceman's forehead found his palm, "Oh lord, here we go again."

"The X-Men's issues will have to wait, and Doom isn't our only problem," Captain America stood up proudly, "We've also received word that the Sub-Mariner is coming."

"Oh tinykitty," She-Hulk lamented, "Namor can never decide if he's a good guy or a villain. Anyone have any idea which side he's on, these days?"

"It don't matter," the Thing replied, "Reed'll figure out a way to stop both Doom and Namor, won'tcha Big Brain?"

Mr. Fantastic shook his head, "I'm sorry Ben, but I find myself handicapped by a rather sudden and inexplicable nerf to my powers and cognitive abilities."

Squirrel Girl pointed at Reed and asked the rest of the room, "Does anyone have any idea what he's talking about?"

The Invisible Woman placed a soothing hand on her husband's shoulder and assured everyone, "Don't worry, Reed's been through this before. We both have. It'll just take time."

"If Reed is out of commission," Hawkeye wondered, "How are we going to stop a Victor Von Doom who has the power of the Beyonders?"

"Let's use the Guardians of the Galaxy again," Storm suggested.

Rocket the Raccoon hopped up onto the table, "Only if you X-Guys send Shadowcat to help us out." Rocket then winked suggestively at Kitty Pryde.

Groot became distracted from his handheld video game long enough to agree wholeheartedly, "I am Groot!"

Shadowcat blushed.

Wolverine popped his claws with an audible *snikt*, "Keep it in your pants, rodent."

Rocket produced a ridiculously massive gun from somewhere (which impressed even Cable), "Who are you calling a rodent, you hairy runt?"

Colossus interjected himself between the two feisty heroes, "Comrades! Comrades... please!"

"Whoa, check it out everyone!" Star-Lord pointed towards the door towards the newly arrived Spider-Ham, "It's a pig in a Spider-Man outfit!"

Nick Fury sighed loudly and sat down helplessly as he realized yet another meeting had disintegrated into chaos.